Why would someone takes his/her life (commit suicide)?
Well that's the question that has been asked for centuries, yet suicide continues to happen.
Especially among teens.
The teenage years are not easy ones for both teens and their parents...it's the age when exploration of life is at its highest and if not properly guided, teens can/will experiment with things and substances that will be detrimental to both their emotional and physical health and well-being.
It's also an age when teenagers are learning to become young adults and therefore need to assert their independence.
It's an age when teens are crying out for love, tolerance and understanding from their parents, and if not given, will turn to their friends, gangs and cliques, for this acceptance.
Parents need to understand this and need to realize that it's not just money or material goods that teens need, but their parents' unconditional love, support [educationally and mentally, (via parents' having conversations with their children - where both learn from each other and by them playing sports and card/computer/board games together, where parents can impart lessons about leadership, honesty, honour and team-work);...
...In terms of their interests and hobbies - by attending these events often, or helping them to solve problems related to these interests and hobbies; in helping them to choose the right friends - friends who reinforce positive values and attitudes, as taught by parents; in eating the right foods that will provide nourishment and enhance their mental alertness)] and help, in navigating their sexuality.
I mention sexuality, here, because many parents fail to have open and honest conversations with their children about sex.
This includes imparting biblical values where sex is concerned, helping kids to understand the emotions associated with having sex, the advantages of waiting for marriage to have sex, the consequences of unprepared-for sex, how to protect themselves against Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) and how to pace themselves while in relationships.
[Pacing involves a knowledge of the different stages in a relationship. e.g. infatuation; then really getting to know the person in order to ascertain if their value systems match those of your own, falling in love (or allowing loving expressions to be shown), courtship and then marriage) and deciding what factors determine movement from one stage to the next, in a relationship.]
Parents also need to be tolerant where their child's sexuality is concerned.
The teenage years will be years of sexual experimentation, but I can guarantee you parents that if you live a sexually moral life in front of your children and teach them what God expects in terms of sexual purity before marriage - and live it, they will be less confused about which moral path to take, sexually.
Parents need to understand that their children will be influenced by factors/persons/viewpoints from outside the home and provide their children with a good spiritual, educational, emotional, psychological and mental foundation, so that they will be able to stand firm and not be swayed by different viewpoints regarding their moral character and who they are as moral human beings.
With this, parents should also teach tolerance...for in life, we will not always agree with someone else, but we must be willing to hear that person out, listen and have a conversation where both views can be expressed and respected. - That's how we learn from each other and become better-rounded individuals.
This is especially true regarding homosexuality...the teenage years are prone to sexual confusion as your child tries to figure out if he/she is heterosexual or homosexual or bisexual. This is normal and parents need not be unduly worried about this. Your child will sort out his/her sexuality as he/she gets older...
The key here is for you to teach your child general and specific values regarding human relationships - e.g. respect, honesty, trustworthiness, decisiveness, tolerance, conscientiousness, being caring, loving, etc., from an age at which they can understand these concepts (e.g. ages 4-5) and you can be sure that your child will choose a life partner who will bring joy into his/her life, due to agreement with his/her spiritual, moral and emotional foundation.
[Now I know my fellow Christians are going to knock me, here, but let me tell you, several studies have proven that a certain percentage of teen suicide and teen drug use is as a result of teens choosing a sexual path that differs from that of their parents - and their parents' refusal to understand where their teen is emotionally and, as a result, them doing very hurtful things in trying to persuade their teenager to adopt their viewpoint.]
(E.g. these sites offer opposing views re each of these this issues, but are well-worth the read.
Teen Suicide among homosexuals:
a) SoulForce
b) TraditionalValues.org
c) Article, "Are Gay and Lesian Youth at High Risk for Suicide?", About.com
Drug Use among homosexuals:
a) Statistics on Homosexual Lifestyle
b) PubMed.Gov)
Continuing:-
Parents need to stop this practice immediately! - You are driving your children into depression and into possible suicide...please stop, before it's too late!
You need to sit with your teen and ask him/her why he/she feels that he/she is homosexual or bisexual or whatever sexual form there is that exists today...
[And don't play dumb, now, for a few of you noticed from a very early age, that your children had an interest in both sexes (which by the way is very normal, up to a certain age e.g. ages 5-6), but you also noticed that, as they aged, they definitely had a preference for members of the same sex...so stop pretending that you didn't notice...
Some of you went as far as to slap your child when you discovered this behaviour...so let's be frank and open about this,ok? :)]
If your teen is exhibiting homosexual behaviour/tendencies, you need to ascertain if your teen has been molested, influenced by friends, TV/The Internet/cable, or if he/she feels that he/she was born that way...you need to talk with your teen and find a trained psychologist, who is excellent at these things, for your child to speak with...
Your child has to make sense of the world around him/her and if he/she feels that he/she is a homosexual/bisexual/etc., then your child has God to answer to - you cannot force your child to be straight (heterosexual) when he/she feels that he/she isn't...
So, you can guide your child and remind him/her of your belief, but you can't force your child to adopt your belief.
If you feel you have provided enough moral and spiritual guidance to your child and he/she makes that decision...you must commit him/her to God...you've done your best, accept your child for who he/she is and move on...don't adopt an immature attitude that will cause gaps between you and your child or that may cause permanent separation from your child...
...And please don't allow people outside your family unit to let you pressure your child...kindly request that they allow the family unit, extended family and chosen family helpers (e.g the psychologist), if needs, be, to deal, with this issue.
Continuing:-
1) Teens commit suicide when they feel they have nothing to live for or that nobody cares whether they live or die...
2) They also commit suicide when influenced to do so by the songs they listen to, TV shows that encourage this practice, or by friends who have very low self-esteem.
Let's deal with these points in turn.
Point 1):
A teen will go through periods of sadness...however, depression (prolonged periods of sadness) is only normal if the teen has had a major catastrophe in his/her life e.g. the death of a loved one. Even then, the child will need special help to deal with the loss (loving support from you and your extended family and in some cases - professional help, if it is needed).
Parents need to be very observant when it comes to their children...if you notice that your teen is sad, it's your responsibility (not his/her teachers') to find out what's wrong.
It's your responsibility to put everything aside and tend to the needs of your teen...and to have continuous (non-confrontational) discussions re what is happening in every aspect of your teen's life...especially re what's happening at school and with their friends - the major influences in your child's life at this stage of his/her life.
You need to talk with your child's teachers and guardians at school or at church/temple/mosque or those who supervise their hobbies and sports times, re your child's behaviour, generally - so that they can openly share with you when they notice that something is wrong.
You also need to address what is wrong - not hope for the problem to disappear, but help your child to work it through. This will be great preparation for when he/she gets older and has to think things through for him/herself.
If you are the problem - you need to sort out your issues, so that you can be a better parent to your child.
[Parents and children should be having very open discussions from early childhood re everything (with due consideration for what's age-appropriate for your child), so that your child can open up to you, naturally, about everything, when he/she is a teenager.
Please do your family a favour - have family time at least one hour, each week, where the family can get together to discuss issues - religious issues, issues in the news, issues that come up in movies, music, at school, or at play; issues re friends,etc. (This is your opportunity to gauge how your teen feels about various issues and for you to offer guidance re thinking these issues through, morally and logically.)
The family can also make this a fun time, when you can play board/card and other games that teach important life lessons.
At this time, please turn off all cell-phones, computers, computer
games, music, TV and the like - you guys need to focus on each other.
You should also dedicate a weekend or day out of every quarter to go camping, hiking,etc. with each of your teens/children (not all of them together), so as to establish/re-establish the bond between both of you.
These sites: Families With Purpose and the article,"Make Time for Teen", from the Site, Family TLC, have excellent family activities, that you can do during this time.
Spending time together, as a family, facilitates bonding among all of you which is excellent for each family member's well-being (yes, parents, this is good for you too :).]
(Teens, if you are reading this and your parents haven't as yet, please feel free to share this post with them...they need to read it, too,ok? :).)
Teens with supportive and caring parents; who see themselves as special gifts from God, who have a good sense of their why they were put on this earth, and who they are, in God's eyes; who have friends with similar value systems; are heavily involved in their community, whether it be where they live or their church/temple/mosque; and are involved in activities that build their self-esteem, are less likely to commit suicide.
Teens who are loners, have problems communicating with parents-constantly, have no adult in whom they can trust, will be depressed or frustrated...and will turn to sex, "friends", drugs and gangs for relief from their home situation.
These kids stay out late, over-eat, party like crazy, drink or use other drugs to ease the pain and get into lots of trouble, so that their parents will take notice of them...
They will even commit or try to commit suicide to get their parents attention. (Some don't succeed on their first try and will try again if their parents have not heeded their first warning.)
Let's address point 2):
Teens also take their lives when influenced to do so by the songs they
listen to, TV shows and movies that they watch that encourage this practice, drugs they use that encourage suicidal thoughts, or by friends who
have very low self-esteem.
You need to encourage your child to be conscious about what he/she listens to, watch and what he/she takes into his/her system from external sources.
You need to encourage him/her to listen to the words of songs, before being completely sold out to these songs...you need to teach them that if the music is encouraging them to do hurtful things to themselves or to others, that they should turn it off and switch to more positive songs...even if this new song is the rave at school.
You need to teach him/her that if a musical artist is all about hate or uses lyrics that encourage immoral behaviour, then there are other options available and for them to support artists who are more positive.
(Two positive music sites are:
a) Christian Music Town
b) ChristianMusic.com).
You need to teach your child about the disadvantages of constant viewing of movies and TV shows that encourage suicide or suicidal thoughts. For the more they watch these shows, the more they will want to do the things and act out the behaviours, glamorized in these shows.
The same goes for drugs - teens need to know the side effects of using drugs (brain-cell death which leads to poor hygiene and poor grades, addictions that take a lot of money and persistence to cure (and then he/she is never really cured - he/she will always be a recovering addict), stealing from family to support the drug habit, unsavory characters that teens on drugs have to associate with, inability to establish meaningful relationships) and that some drugs will make them so wild that they'll want to run away from monsters into on-coming traffic or jump off of buildings - thus committing suicide.
You must be very graphic with your teen, so that he/she gets the picture - use examples from your community to reinforce (drive home) the point.
The National Institute on Drug Abuse has resources to help parents and kids better understand the disadvantages of using drugs.
Since your teen's friends are major influences on your child's behaviour, you should also be around your child and his/her friends to gauge
how the "group" thinks and how they each think, individually, - this is
very important as these friends act as sponges for each others'
viewpoints.
(Always make your home available for your teen's friends to visit, so that you can listen to what's being said and observe how the group behaves.)
If your child's friends are not very positive or have low self-esteem (they keep ridiculing and being nasty to each other), you need to guide your child to find friends who are more positive about life. (E.g. kids involved in doing good in their communities or who engage in activities that enhance their self- development, e.g. team and individual sports, like football, karate or swimming.)
Friendship is a great foundation for any relationship, so your child should learn how to choose friends that will engender his/her well-being, from very early.
Well, we've come to the end of this post, but I've included other resources, below, that will help both teens and their parents to have a deeper understanding of each other, teen suicide and how to prevent it.
Resources Which Help:-
1) American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry website:
2) Article, "Make time For Teens", from website, Family TLC.
3) Teen Suicide Facts, from website, About.com
Gillian
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