Should You Get Back With Your Ex?

I've taken special note of a very good e-book on the market, "The Magic of Making Up (Get Your Ex Back)".

It's been getting rave reviews and from what I've seen of the preview content, it seems to be pretty good.

But I really wonder...is it really a good idea to get back with your ex?

(Ex being defined as a former wife or husband, or previous girlfriend or boyfriend).

When you decide to discontinue a  relationship or someone decides to discontinue a relationship with you...it's usually for a very good reason.

Most people enter a serious relationship with the aim for it to be successful....so deciding to end it comes after a great deal of contemplation.

So when you have an ex...it's usually for a good reason.

....The relationship ended because either of you, or both of you, found it impossible to move forward together.

So, if you're considering getting back with your ex, you should consider the following questions:

1) Why do I want to get back with my ex? Is it that I feel that this person was the right person for me, but due to immaturity or different perspectives on life, we just couldn't make the relationship work?

2) Does my ex want to get back with me?

(Maybe your ex prefers that both of you remain as exes forever...he/she has no intention of getting back with you. Your ex does have this right, you know, to decide this...

If this is so, then set him/her free and allow him/her to love someone else and someone else to love him/her).

3) Is my ex involved with someone else? If this is so please don't disrupt your ex's relationship...accept that the relationship has ended and move on.

4) Is getting back with my ex in the best interest of both my ex and myself?

...Or do I want to rekindle my relationship because I'm tired of the dating scene, fear rejection, or fear being alone?

Fear of being rejected by a prospective lover or being alone, is never a good reason to rekindle a former relationship.

In fact, fear is a faulty foundation on which to build a relationship...

Both people must want a relationship for the right reasons, for it to be successful. Some of these reasons, include:

1) They both love and care for each other and want the best of everything for each other (E.g. spiritually, emotionally, educationally, financially, etc.)

2) They are best-friends, so they can be open with each other, speak the truth in a loving way to each other, listen to each other, not seek to hurt each other, be forgiving towards each other so that the relationship can be strong enough to weather both good and bad times.

You need a friend and a lover in the bad times.

[I sincerely believe that lovers (sexual partners) are restricted to married people..I take the biblical view where this is concerned, that sex is reserved for two (2) people who are married].

3) The differences that exist are not differences in value systems, so they can be worked out.

[Let me say something here...if the two of you have very differing perspectives on the things are central to your existence, e.g. the place of God in your relationship (whether He takes front stage or back stage), religion/spirituality, family relationships, how you spend money and value placed on sexual relationships...then its unlikely that these perspectives will change...

If you parted because of these differences, then you need to:

a)  Free the person and allow the person to be with someone who shares his/her fundamental viewpoints on these things.

b) Free yourself to allow yourself to develop a relationship with someone who shares similar values, so that you can feel fulfilled in the relationship.]

4) They are mature enough to work out differences, in that both have positive self esteem, so that when arguments occur, they can hear the truth about themselves without feeling threatened and truly work at solving the problem and not at attacking the other person.

If after deep contemplation, you feel that this person is the best thing that ever happened to you and that the other person may be willing to get back with you...then go for it!

Read, study and do the exercises in "The Magic of Making Up (Get Your Ex Back)" and make your move.

However, no matter what you decide, please allow me to offer a small word of advice, here:

A relationship is too important for you to keep God out of the picture...God is concerned about every aspect of your life...including your relationships...He created you..He created every part of your body and being...nothing is too personal or intimate for God to know.

He wants to see His children live fulfilling lives, so it is wise to ask His opinion re someone  you're interested in and to continue to ask God's guidance and wisdom throughout the "getting-to-know-you" process in a relationship.

When God says no...this person is not for you (e.g. by causing situations to occur that show either or both of you that the relationship is wrong)...live with it...He has said "no" for a reason.

He can see your relationship twenty (20) years into the future and He knows what will work and what won't.

If He says, no, then He'll allow other opportunities to come your way.

When He says yes, work at your relationship - consistently, under guidance from God and successfully married people.

Let me just state here, that I am biased when it comes to marriages...I firmly believe that marriage is a sacred vow between the two persons being married, God and witnesses and this contract should only be broken under dire circumstances...e.g. severe emotional, mental and/or physical abuse.

[In fact, God only allows remarriage if your previous spouse was unfaithful (Matthew 19:3-9)].

God values marriage...He even goes as far as to liken marriage to the relationship He has with his Church (Ephesians 5:23-25).

So marriage holds a very special place in God's heart.

Don't break up your marriage over foolishness! Work at it!

Resist the temptation to cheat and to do other things that will destroy trust in your relationship...

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So, should you get back with your ex?

I'd say yes, only if you both feel, that after reading the above, that it's the right thing to do.

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As usual, your comments are highly valued and deeply welcomed! :)

(I would like to thank Camilo Labrador for the use of his Stock.xchng picture, "Love and Light" of the couple kissing and making up, in the black and white inset photo,above.

I would also like to thank Kevin Rohr, for the use of his Stock.xchng picture of a married couple kissing at their wedding,"Croston wedding", above).

 Gillian