Girl With a Purpose (GWAP)

Should You Get Back With Your Ex?

I've taken special note of a very good e-book on the market, "The Magic of Making Up (Get Your Ex Back)".

It's been getting rave reviews and from what I've seen of the preview content, it seems to be pretty good.

But I really wonder...is it really a good idea to get back with your ex?

(Ex being defined as a former wife or husband, or previous girlfriend or boyfriend).

When you decide to discontinue a  relationship or someone decides to discontinue a relationship with you...it's usually for a very good reason.

Most people enter a serious relationship with the aim for it to be successful....so deciding to end it comes after a great deal of contemplation.

So when you have an ex...it's usually for a good reason.

....The relationship ended because either of you, or both of you, found it impossible to move forward together.

So, if you're considering getting back with your ex, you should consider the following questions:

1) Why do I want to get back with my ex? Is it that I feel that this person was the right person for me, but due to immaturity or different perspectives on life, we just couldn't make the relationship work?

2) Does my ex want to get back with me?

(Maybe your ex prefers that both of you remain as exes forever...he/she has no intention of getting back with you. Your ex does have this right, you know, to decide this...

If this is so, then set him/her free and allow him/her to love someone else and someone else to love him/her).

3) Is my ex involved with someone else? If this is so please don't disrupt your ex's relationship...accept that the relationship has ended and move on.

4) Is getting back with my ex in the best interest of both my ex and myself?

...Or do I want to rekindle my relationship because I'm tired of the dating scene, fear rejection, or fear being alone?

Fear of being rejected by a prospective lover or being alone, is never a good reason to rekindle a former relationship.

In fact, fear is a faulty foundation on which to build a relationship...

Both people must want a relationship for the right reasons, for it to be successful. Some of these reasons, include:

1) They both love and care for each other and want the best of everything for each other (E.g. spiritually, emotionally, educationally, financially, etc.)

2) They are best-friends, so they can be open with each other, speak the truth in a loving way to each other, listen to each other, not seek to hurt each other, be forgiving towards each other so that the relationship can be strong enough to weather both good and bad times.

You need a friend and a lover in the bad times.

[I sincerely believe that lovers (sexual partners) are restricted to married people..I take the biblical view where this is concerned, that sex is reserved for two (2) people who are married].

3) The differences that exist are not differences in value systems, so they can be worked out.

[Let me say something here...if the two of you have very differing perspectives on the things are central to your existence, e.g. the place of God in your relationship (whether He takes front stage or back stage), religion/spirituality, family relationships, how you spend money and value placed on sexual relationships...then its unlikely that these perspectives will change...

If you parted because of these differences, then you need to:

a)  Free the person and allow the person to be with someone who shares his/her fundamental viewpoints on these things.

b) Free yourself to allow yourself to develop a relationship with someone who shares similar values, so that you can feel fulfilled in the relationship.]

4) They are mature enough to work out differences, in that both have positive self esteem, so that when arguments occur, they can hear the truth about themselves without feeling threatened and truly work at solving the problem and not at attacking the other person.

If after deep contemplation, you feel that this person is the best thing that ever happened to you and that the other person may be willing to get back with you...then go for it!

Read, study and do the exercises in "The Magic of Making Up (Get Your Ex Back)" and make your move.

However, no matter what you decide, please allow me to offer a small word of advice, here:

A relationship is too important for you to keep God out of the picture...God is concerned about every aspect of your life...including your relationships...He created you..He created every part of your body and being...nothing is too personal or intimate for God to know.

He wants to see His children live fulfilling lives, so it is wise to ask His opinion re someone  you're interested in and to continue to ask God's guidance and wisdom throughout the "getting-to-know-you" process in a relationship.

When God says no...this person is not for you (e.g. by causing situations to occur that show either or both of you that the relationship is wrong)...live with it...He has said "no" for a reason.

He can see your relationship twenty (20) years into the future and He knows what will work and what won't.

If He says, no, then He'll allow other opportunities to come your way.

When He says yes, work at your relationship - consistently, under guidance from God and successfully married people.

Let me just state here, that I am biased when it comes to marriages...I firmly believe that marriage is a sacred vow between the two persons being married, God and witnesses and this contract should only be broken under dire circumstances...e.g. severe emotional, mental and/or physical abuse.

[In fact, God only allows remarriage if your previous spouse was unfaithful (Matthew 19:3-9)].

God values marriage...He even goes as far as to liken marriage to the relationship He has with his Church (Ephesians 5:23-25).

So marriage holds a very special place in God's heart.

Don't break up your marriage over foolishness! Work at it!

Resist the temptation to cheat and to do other things that will destroy trust in your relationship...

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So, should you get back with your ex?

I'd say yes, only if you both feel, that after reading the above, that it's the right thing to do.

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As usual, your comments are highly valued and deeply welcomed! :)

(I would like to thank Camilo Labrador for the use of his Stock.xchng picture, "Love and Light" of the couple kissing and making up, in the black and white inset photo,above.

I would also like to thank Kevin Rohr, for the use of his Stock.xchng picture of a married couple kissing at their wedding,"Croston wedding", above).

 Gillian

Woman Beats Schoolgirl Over Cheating Man!

IMG_3073
Originally uploaded by david_gibb

Last night I saw some shocking news on Television Jamaica...I mean the news on TV is so gruesome that unfortunately my mind has gotten used to the human depravity that makes the news...

But this news story actually blew me away!:

A  woman, who accused a 14-year old schoolgirl of taking away her man, lay-waited her and gave her a good whopping on Wednesday morning, with an electrical wire.

Even though the schoolgirl kept telling the woman that she was not involved with her man, the woman continued to beat her.

The beating was so severe that the police had to intervene...the woman was eventually arrested for causing bodily harm to the schoolgirl.

Now, I feel that this woman was rightly angry because her man cheated on her...but her anger was misdirected...it should have been directed at her cheating boyfriend...she should have given him the whopping versus the schoolgirl...

Now I'm not condoning a woman beating a man, here...but these women must realize that when their husbands or boyfriends cheat on them, it's not just the "other woman's" fault...the boyfriend/husband is also at fault.

If a man cheats on a woman or a woman cheats on a man, once, it may have been an error in judgement, but if he/she does it over two (2) times, then that person has lost the right to be in relationship.

I believe that both women and men should have enough self respect that they do not allow cheating partners into their beds.

Don't use the children or some other lame excuse to stay in a relationship in which your partner takes his/her many lovers into bed with you, by cheating on you.

He/she is not only hurting you mentally and psychologically, he/she will give you Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) and AIDS.

Your cheating partner will also make your children feel insecure in the home and make them distrustful,when married, of their partners.

The Bible (in Matthew 5:31-32), gives allowance for a married person to divorce his/her cheating spouse.

This is the only time that remarriage, when the first partner is alive, is allowed, according to Scripture.

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Cheating is just plain wrong...

And people must understand before they enter into a relationship with you, what you will and will not tolerate...

Cheating, because of the emotional and physical damage that it results in, should be one of the top items on your "Will Not Tolerate" list!

Nuff said! (Jamaican meaning, enough has been said.) 

(I want to thank David Gibb for the use of his Flickr inset picture above, of Jamaican schoolgirls relaxing in the shade of a tree, in their schoolyard.)

Gillian

Sources Include:

1) Television Jamaica News at 10:00 p.m., January 7,2009

2) www.BibleGateway.com specifically, Matthew 5:31-31

Merry Christmas From Girl With a Purpose (GWAP) Blog!

Live Nativity
Originally uploaded by fotoJENica a/k/a Jenny Romney

To you, our highly-valued friends,

We at Girl With a Purpose (GWAP) Blog want to wish you God's richest blessings for the Holiday Season!

May it be a time of happiness and togetherness and a rediscovery of what family really means...

And may the upcoming New Year be one of fulfilled dreams and prosperity!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa!

Gillian Campbell,

Owner- Girl With a Purpose (GWAP) Blog

Dealing With Loss This Christmas

Jésus, Marie, Joseph
Originally uploaded by dietherpetter

Christmas, this year, will be different..not only because of the global economic crisis, but because this crisis has allowed a lot of us to think a little deeper about the things that do matter:- our lives and the people therein.

Sometimes we get so caught up in the commercialization of Christmas, we forget why we have Christmas in the first place.

The reason for Christmas is to celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ...and to reflect on the fact that God loved us so much, that He sent His only Son, in the form of a baby:

1) To show us how to live our lives in a manner that would please Him

2) For Him to die,as a man, so that we might have everlasting life, if we believe (put our entire trust) in Him.

Many are dealing with loss this Christmas...specifically the loss of a loved one.

Whether that person was a family member, friend or significant other..that person in no longer in our lives...

Christmas will bring back very painful memories.

But I am going to ask our friends who are hurting to do something different this Christmas.

Appreciate the life that you have been given...Really appreciate the life that you have been given!

Realize that death and life and twin sisters..they go hand in hand.

Death must happen for rebirth to occur...

The death or separation of a loved one allows the love of other loved ones to take their place.

Please grieve...and yes, please realize that the importance of the grieving process...

But in grieving I'm going to ask you to do something else...try to put one foot in front of the other and walk..try to suck in air and breathe, realizing that God has kept you alive for a purpose.

God has a purpose for your life...ask Him what that purpose is...and He will tell you.

If you allow God to show you His purpose for your life...you will see the death/separation of your loved one, in light of the purpose that God has for you.

God knows best..He really does know why He allowed the death/separation of your loved one to take place.

He has promised to be with you always and He is someone who always lives up to His promises...

He will support you during the good and bad times...

He will help you to get through this Christmas...

Will you let Him?

Gillian

Are You a Bone Maker or Bone Breaker?(Part 2a)

Please read our previous post, "Are You a Bone Maker or Bone Breaker? (Part 1)", to get a background to this post.

In this post we will teach you how to repel bone breakers (diminish their effect on your life)...

In the next post in this series, "Are You a Bone Maker or Bone Breaker?(Part 2b)", we will teach you how to become bone makers, despite the negative influence of bone breakers in your life.

Let's begin...

When faced with a bone breaker (a negative person) in your life, you have four (4) options.

You can:

1) Pray to God to change the bone maker's perspective, so that their negativity will be infused with positives and so that they will live healthier lives and relationships.

(This enhances your ability to love people whom you previously thought were unlovable and will help you to think and perform loving actions towards these people despite their uncharitable and spiteful ways.

Please remember that it is difficult to hate someone for whom you are positively praying . :): This is what Jesus meant in Luke 6:27-29 when He said that you must bless those who curse you and do good to those who spitefully use you and persecute you.)

Seeing the bone-breaker in this new light, also enhances your faith in God who controls everything and who can also cause events to happen in that bone breaker's life, so that their effect on you is minimized...

E.g. God has been known to cause bone breakers to migrate to another country, change jobs, die or become sick, when He feels that this person's effect on you is too burdensome for you to bear.

2) Pray to God to change your perspective...so that you will understand that a bone-breaker is also made in God's image, and due to his/her own weaknesses or circumstances, have allowed same to so overtake him/her, that all he/she has are negative perceptions of life.

Understand that bone-breakers are to be pitied and they can only do you harm, if you allow them to.

It is also important to understand, though, that if you continue to associate with bone-breakers, their spiteful and negative ways will spill over unto you.

You need to try to avoid these persons so that their effect on you is minimized.

[If a bone-breaker is in authority (e.g a supervisor, teacher, parent), try  be as respectful to him/her as you can, until you can chart a path so that you can eventually leave this person for good or deal with this person at arm's length.

If the bone breaker is your parent, please remember that  God expects you, when older, to take care of your parents, no matter how negative they may be. If you don't, you will not only dishonor God, but He will not bless you with long life.(Ephesians 6, verses 2-3)

So please look after your parents, as best as you can, knowing that this will honour God. ]

(If you have a bone breaker in your life who is physically abusive then you need to move away from this person.

Get help from the police and government or non-governmental social agents (e.g. those from your church/synagogue/mosque), who can help you to be safe on a more permanent basis.)

3) Try to associate with bone makers...their positivity will also spill over on you, as either directly or indirectly, they'll teach you how to establish healthy relationships...relationships that will enhance your well-being, versus unhealthy ones that will tear you down.

Also, having an imbalance of more positive people and less negative people in your life, decreases the effect that bone breakers may have on you.

4a) You may try to approach the bone-maker to help him/her to understand, in a calm manner, how their negative actions and speech are affecting you.

Please only do this when the person is in a happy mood and you have sought the help of the other agents mentioned above, who can help, should the bone-maker react negatively to your approach.

OR

4b) Approach a bone maker, whom the bone breaker respects, who can speak with the bone breaker.

Bone makers ( people who encourage and who see positives despite negatives) are always around...you just have to open your eyes, to find them.

Let me clue you in: they are people of influence (they are looked upon for their moral character and integrity) in your family, school, church/mosque/synagogue, work-place and in your community.

Please let them know, truthfully, what has happened in your conversations with the bone breaker, so that they can have a background of what to expect, when approaching this person.

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Well friends, these tips should help you to negate the effects of bone-breakers in your life...please let us know if you have been able to follow and apply them to you life,ok?

Please leave us your comments/feedback, by using the Comment Link below this post. :)

Please stay tuned for ,"Are You a Bone Maker or Bone Breaker?(Part 2b)", where we'll teach you how to become bone makers, despite the negative influence of bone breakers in your life.

Sources Include:

1) Luke 6:27-29,

27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic., 

BibleGateway.com

2) (Ephesians 6, verses 2-3),

2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." ,

BibleGateway.com

Facing the New Year With a Fresh Attitude!

Ever heard it said that attitude is everything?

Well it's true!

A positive attitude is essential for progress in any activity, pursuit, or for your speedy healing after an illness.

Wordnet Princeton Dictionary describes attitude as a complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings and values and dispositions (tendencies) to act in certain ways.

Hmmhh...

This simply means that how we approach life (our reaction to it's victories, defeats and challenges) is a direct reflection of our views about ourselves, others and the world around us.

Let's face it, some of us have attitudes that need some adjusting.

Our outlook on life isn't always positive and this affects our relationships with ourselves and with others.

For example, a negative attitude towards ourselves may result in:

1. Self-doubt. Where we doubt that we are worthy of the great things that life has to offer (love, friendship, the ability to overcome difficult childhoods and have success in every area of our lives)


2. Self-hatred. Where we hate who we are, because we perceive others to be better than us due to them being prettier, more popular, richer (money-wise), etc.


3. Self-abuse. Where we take our health for granted and/or attract and keep people in our lives who are a drain on our mental, emotional or physical health

While a negative attitude towards others may result in:

1. Us envying others. (Due to the negative perception/thoughts about ourselves given in points 1-3 above)


2. Us abusing others. [Due to the perception that the only way for us to be successful/(on top) is to be mercilessly cruel towards another human being]
   


3. Us not listening to the needs of others and insisting that we already know what the other person is about to say, so we  needn't develop the art of listening


4. Us not responding to the needs of others, even when they have voiced what they need


5. Us spurning people from being around us, due to our negative vibe. (Most healthy people do not like to be around negative people)


6. Us being self-centred and selfish in our relationships. (So much so that these are pursued in light of what we can get out of the other person, versus what we can give to enhance the other person's well-being and the well-being of the relationship, on a whole.)

So how about some New Year's Resolutions to change our attitude?

Firstly, towards ourselves:

How about rethinking how we feel about ourselves, so that our attitudes towards ourselves will change?

• How about us learning to love ourselves a lot more, despite our faults and weaknesses? (By  understanding that we will have faults, but as long as we're obedient to what God wants in and from our lives and are working at eliminating/decreasing these faults in becoming the persons God want us to be, then we're ok with God? (Once we're ok with God, then we're truly ok :))


• How about us finding what we are good at (our strengths) and developing ourselves (via further education and training), based on these strengths?


• Being so focused on self-development, that self-doubt and self-hatred has less of a hold on us

Then, towards others:

With our newly-found self-love:

• Instead of envying others, find out what caused their success and learn from these experiences


• Instead of abusing and tearing people down, encourage them to be the best people they can be and enjoying their successes


• Us listening more to others, by being active listeners (e.g. by looking at people while they're talking and giving them our full attention) and us talking less


• Us being more in touch with the needs of others and trying (with what is reasonable) to meet those needs? (This should vary depending on the closeness of these persons to us)

So there you have it, a few suggestions re how we can change our attitude for the New Year...

What do you think...are these resolutions, reasonable?

Do you think they can be achieved within the year?

We would love to hear what you think. (Just press the Comment link below this post and have your say!)

Gillian