Girl With a Purpose (GWAP)

Is it Love or Infatuation?

Lover's Park
Originally uploaded by StevenMiller

As promised, we now present our post, "Is it Love or Infatuation?".

 

We apologise for the delay in bringing this to you.

 

Let's begin:

 

There are times when teens and even adults wonder if they are merely infatuated with someone, or really love that person.

 

Well, the following are a few pointers that will help you to determine the difference between love and infatuation:

 

Infatuation, according to Princeton's WordNet Search 3.0, is "a foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration".

 

...It's that high that you get when you're around someone you really like.

Your adoration of the person is based on some physical asset that they have...like nice looks (i.e. the person is handsome or pretty), hands, smile, laugh, etc.

 

The thing about infatuation is that it doesn't last  - this kind of adoration is akin to what you may feel for your favorite celebrity.

 

But probably if you got to know the person a little better, you'd find out that these were probably their only redeeming (positive) qualities, for their real personality so contradicts your own, that you could never even see yourself being friends, muchless a girlfriend/boyfriend of this person.

 

Having a perception of who someone is, based on who we want them to be, is completely different from accepting them for who they truly are.

 

After all, a person is so much more than a physical asset. He/she is an emotional, spiritual, psychological and rational being, too. :)

 

So let's get to love:

 

I believe that when it comes to two people being strongly attracted to each other, the following two definitions of love, below, are intermingled:

 

1) A strong positive emotion of regard and affection

2) A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction.

 

(NB:  the difference between the definitions of love and infatuation.

 

Just a note for teens: it's essential that you concentrate on definition no. 1, of love, above...so that you learn how to practice self control. A lot of adults have sexual baggage and lousy sex lives because they rushed into sex.

 

Sex is a spiritual, emotional and then physical act...reserved by God for married people...people who have decided before God and witnesses, to commit their entire beings to each other.

 

When you short-circuit this process...you short-circuit the joyful experience...not just the pleasurable experience...but the spiritual joy in making love to that person you have reserved yourself for...no matter what your sexual urges or the ads on TV or the Internet may tell you :)).

 

Resuming...

 

However, true love is based on knowledge of a person...you have to know someone in order to highly regard them and feel affectionate towards them, even when his/her faults or weaknesses are known to you.

 

1) So love assumes that you've gotten past the mad, heated-rush stage and have really gotten to know the person you're interested in.

 

You've taken the time to listen, really listen to them and ask questions where clarification is needed, as it takes a little time to really know the core of someone.

 

By core I mean, what makes them tick...i.e. what motivates them, what disappoints them, do they mean themselves and others well, or are they mean-spirited (malicious, jealous, insecure)?

 

Included in this is  knowing that person's personal, educational and career goals, their values (what takes priority in his/her life and why, e.g. the place of God, religion, money, family and sex in his/her life) and their hobbies.

 

(Just a note re the above priorities. The place of:

1) Religion & God: If you're a  born-again Christian, you will have spiritual and emotional disquiet with someone who isn't)

 

2) Money: You need to determine where you fall on the spendthrift versus miser scale and where your love interest also falls on this scale.  The further away, you are from each other, on this scale, the more quarrels you will have regarding money

 

 3) Family: Does the person value family ties, does he/she want children? How does he/she feel about their own parents?...does this concur with your own view of family?

 

4) Sex: Does the person believe in waiting for marriage to have sex? If not and you do, you will have emotional and spiritual conflicts re this).

 

Knowing someone's core is essential to knowing the person...you don't have to know everything, but once you know what they're made of (how they think and how they'll react in certain situations)...you'll know if you can really love them for who they truly are.

 

The minute you start assuming something you don't know...then  you know that your knowledge re that particular aspect of the person's life is lacking.. and you run the risk of just being infatuated and not loving the person based on who he/she really is.

 

(You can find out a person's core after a few dates with him/her...

 

That's why it's essential to date someone first...before investing a lot of your time, energy and emotions into  having a relationship with that person).

 

After you've found out the person's core, then you know you're in love, when you have more than 70% of your core values in common and you can be affectionate towards and highly regard that person, despite the 30% difference.

 

In some cases, the 30% difference drives two people apart.

 

[Core values are must-have traits that your ideal partner must have for you to be happy and harmonious in that relationship.

 

Common core values (similar attitudes towards religion, money, family, sex) enable you to have a long and lasting relationship with that person].

 

So let's recap:

 

Infatuation is based on an idea that someone has a personality that appeals to you - you don't actually know who the person really is,  but assume that because of some physical trait - the person fits into your idea of who an ideal spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend should be.

 

Love goes past the physical assets of the person, to loving a person based on knowledge of that person, and his/her core values:

 

You know you love someone when  you know that person's core values, these overlap at least 70% with yours and you can be affectionate towards and highly regard that person, despite the 30% difference.

 

It is our hope, that after reading this post you are clearer re the differences between infatuation and love. :)

 

Please email me or comment below, to let me know if you indeed are, or more muddled. :) 

 

Thanks. :)

 

Gillian

Helping Your Kids to Live Larger Than You Do

family portrait
Originally uploaded by lynnherrick

I'm a strong believer that children should live a better life (live larger), than their parents and that the family should put itself in a position, so that this can be the case for generations to come.

 

But living large doesn't necessarily mean having more money, it involves an improvement in all aspects of a human being's life, that is essential for well-being: i.e., the spiritual, emotional, educational, career, and money management aspects.

 

1) Spiritually:

 

I believe that  God created us to serve Him...and that it is important that parents pass on a Godly heritage to their children.

 

...But how can parents encourage their kids to live Godly lives?

 

a) By themselves living Godly lives (right-living before God), so that their children can follow their example

 

b) By them making God the centre of their home - so that the children can see that the home is God-directed:

 

i) In that decisions are made in consultation with God and that His approval is sought, daily

 

ii) In that principles taught during family worship, are applied to each member's daily life

 

iii) By ensuring that children are a part of a church community that believes in honoring God and living lives that are accountable to Him

 

2) Emotionally:

 

By family members understanding that, as humans, we're emotional beings. That every family member has right of self-expression and can express him/herself, openly and with respect, without fear of ridicule or punishment.

 

So, family members have a right to  open expression of joy, affection (hugging, kissing and laughing) and disappointment (brief anger and crying).

 

Family members  can be learn to be angry, but not say things that will hurt other members.

 

They must also be able to calm down in an effort to get other family members to understand the reason for  the anger and how they can  help each other to find a solution to whatever problem or misconception is causing the anger.

 

(Helping children to:

 

a) Work out and through their problems,

 

b) Be able to calm down when angry, within a reasonable time, so that they don't break a blood vessel or get high blood pressure

 

... is one of the best gifts parents could give their children...

 

So too is  growth in self-expression via praise, encouragement and constructive criticism.

 

3) Educationally:

 

a) By educating the family thoroughly, re their place in this world and the importance of lifelong learning...learning at one's own initiative

 

b) By encouraging each family member to:

 

i) Be educated in areas that will make them marketable, globally, so that family members can morph into different professions as the global need for same, changes over time

 

ii) Have a good educational base or being so well rounded, that each member and the family as a whole, can think themselves out of problems and be able to choose how and when to work...this is covered in detail in point 4) below:

 

4) Career -wise:

 

By the family choosing careers that:

 

a) Not only augment the family income, but whereby which each family member can grow professionally and individually and not just do something for a pay cheque

 

b) They enjoy, so that they can look forward to going to work every day, or if they own a business - to be able to start a business in something that is in demand and that they really love and enjoy, so as to increase the family's quality of life.

 

Miserable careers - whereby which family members are increasingly under stress due to constant overtime work, or them clocking more hours to earn more and more and more, decrease the family's quality of life

 

5) Money management - learning how to increase income and how to manage the money you already have.

 

This includes:

 

a) Learning how to be prudent in your spending, saving and investments; always remembering that a rainy day (job loss, prolonged illness, death) will come and the family must be prepared for it.

 

Shun investment schemes and other get-rich-quick schemes. If the family is not proficient at investing, get help from competent and knowledgeable people who can guide you

 

b) Not gambling, smoking or otherwise adopting habits that will put  the family into debt, thereby increasing family stress

 

c) Getting out of debt, by not getting into debt in the first place, or by using measured debt, wisely, for investments...e.g. to get an education.

 

(My HubPages article, "Compare Student Loans in a Few Easy Clicks", shows you how to strategically use debt to finance your college/university education).

 

d) Learning how to say "no" to people who may want to put the family under monetary stress.  These include family friends, relatives and church members with poor money management skills.

 

Family members must understand that when they loan someone money, they should seriously consider that the person will not repay them and so they need to lend as much as they are willing to give away.

 

============

 

The above list is by no means exhaustive, but is a jump-start to helping you to think about the myriads of ways in which you can help your kids to live larger than you do.

 

Hopefully, by implementing the above advice, your family's well-being will be much improved, for the present generation and generations to come!

 

Gillian

 

 

 

Seasons Greetings From Girl With a Purpose (GWAP) Blog!

christmas 2007
Originally uploaded by paparutzi

Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa and belated Happy Hanukkah, to you, our valued friends, advertising partners and advertisers!

 

We at Girl With a Purpose (GWAP) Blog thank you for your continued visits and support!

 

May this season be one of deep reflection on the real meaning of Christmas...

 

...God who gave Himself as a gift to us.

 

And may we appreciate this Gift, by the giving of ourselves to not only our family and friends, but  to whomever we are privileged to meet in this life.

 

That we will seek out the best in others and thereby look at life with renewed eyes, so that we can help to make this world a better place.

 

Enjoy the holidays, friends...

 

...May it truly be a time of peace and enormous joy!

 

Yours Sincerely,

 

Gillian Campbell,

 

Editor, Owner - Girl With a Purpose (GWAP) Blog

 

Follow-up:Family of Missing Son Needs Your Help - Che Beckford is Back Home!!!

Please read our previous post, here, for a background to the following:

 

Praise be to God, Che Beckford is back home with his family!!!

 

Che returned home on Saturday, December 18.

 

Firstly, we want to thank our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, for bringing Che back home, safely!

 

We also want to thank the many saints; friends, concerned persons and family members, worldwide, who prayed and assisted in Che's safe return home.

On behalf of the Beckfords...Thank you!

 

Friends:

 

1) God has again proven Himself to be miraculous!

2) The family craves your continued  prayers...thank you!

 

Gillian, on behalf of the Beckford Family.

Thanksgiving Day Reflections etc. (Part 2)

Thanksgiving dinner with friends
Originally uploaded by williamhartz

Please read our previous post, here, as it provides a background to this post:

 

As was said in our previous post, we have a lot to give God thanks for.

 

Another one of these things, is life itself.

 

We owe it to ourselves to live the best life we can live, now and in the future.

Living well, doesn't mean that we have to be rich monetarily, but rich in the quality of life that we live.

 

What this means is that we should put value on the things that please God, who created us and knows what we need to do with our lives, so that life will have meaning, now and in the future (after physical death).

 

To please God we must seek out His purpose for our lives.

 

Only then, can we try to enact His purpose in our lives...only then can we find fulfillment in our every living, breathing moment here on this earth.

When we have found this, it removes a lot of the complexities in life that we worry about.

 

So let's say that God wants you to be a person who will encourage and motivate others, it's useless trying to be someone whose whole outlook on life contravenes (goes against) this.

If God wants you to teach...it's useless and frustrating being selfish with knowledge, empathy and love.

 

The beauty about God is that He's multidimensional.

 

So being an encourager/motivator doesn't necessarily mean that you should give up your day job as an accountant, and become a motivational speaker.

 

In your chosen profession, as an accountant, you'll have the opportunity to meet people within and outside of your workplace, whom you can encourage and motivate...thus enacting God's purpose of motivation in your life.

 

Being a teacher doesn't mean that you should give up your day job as a nurse, to become a teacher... you can teach whilst on the job, by:

 

1) Doing your job so well, that others will want to emulate (imitate) you

 

2) Teaching other nurses about compassion and empathy in the execution of their duties, by being an example of God's compassion and empathy

 

You can also impart knowledge, values and important truths, via coaching a team - outside of work.

 

Like it our not, we are spiritual beings...God communicates with our spirits, which He has put into every human being.

 

(John 4:24 states, "God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth").

 

When we seek God's purpose for our lives and become Christians (Christ-like), then God's Holy Spirit dwells in us and we are able to see His purpose, clearly.

 

When our spirits are out of sync with God's Spirit...our lives becomes hopeless and meaningless.

Friends, let's thank God for life, by seeking out His purpose for our lives...

 

Let's thank God for life, by truly talking with Him and living daily for Him.

 

Then and only then, will our lives have true meaning and purpose.

 

Then and only then will be able to see Thanksgiving Day for what it truly is: a day (of many days) to give God thanks for everything, but especially our ability to live life to its fullest, by being obedient to His will and purpose for our lives.

 

(I would like to thank williamhartz for the use of his Flickr inset photo, entitled,"Thanksgiving dinner with friends").

 

Gillian

Sources Include

John 4:24, via BibleGateway.com, accessed December 3,2010