This is a continuation of our discussion on "Firsts"...please enjoy! :)
So you have a crush on a guy...you like him.
You like the way he laughs, his wit or his intelligence, the way his dimples sink in when he smiles, his caring ways, his shy ways, his voice, his eyes, etc.
In general, you've got a great feeling about him and you're on "cloud 9" (very happy).
You make it your point of duty to be around or near him, so that he'll notice you and if he does, well, oh my goodness, it's like heaven on earth!
So what do you do?
Well you say "hi, how are you?" and immediately start the "getting to know you" conversation, e.g. you start talking about things you may have in common like the same class, how he's coping with it, homework, what he thinks of the teacher, etc.
And you're just beaming :)...You've just started the ball-a-rolling and you're officially in the crush stage... and you immediately start fantasizing about him, about kissing him, about being seen with him, etc., you know what I'm talking about! :).
Well, before you start fantasizing about wedding bells...may I suggest something?...hold on to your brakes!!!! :).
While I understand that things are going well for you...you need to ask yourself some very important questions.
1) What do you know about this guy?...
2) How long have you known him?
3) How does he treat his friends?...
4) How did/does he treat his former girlfriends?...
5) What "type" of girl does he like?...are you his "type"?
6) Is he the type of guy who has 2-6 girlfriends at the same time or is he monogamous(meaning, he believes in only having one girlfriend for a period of time)?
7) Does he currently have a girlfriend?...has he fathered any children?
8) Has any of his former girlfriends had to do an abortion of his child?
9) Is he straight or gay?
If you don't know the answers to these questions, then it would be wise for you to get to know this guy, a whole lot better.
Some of us, as older women have made huge mistakes in the boyfriend and husband department, by choosing these men based on crushes (we fall in love with them before getting to know them properly), money (they have lots of it), sex (they're good in bed) or fame (they're well-known or recognized).
I want to steer you, our younger women, away from making terrible choices that could be detrimental (harmful) to your emotional health and well-being.
Here's how:
1) Like it or not, how a guy treats his friends, especially his female friends, is a good indication of how he'll treat you.
So, observe him carefully when he says or shows that he's interested in a friendship with you!
2) How a guy treats his mother or his sister, is a great indication of how he'll treat you...
If he has "mommy issues" (issues with his mother), it's your duty to find out why and what he's doing to resolve this (you'll have to do this, over time, when he's more comfortable opening up to you)...
Why?
Because he's going to act out these issues in your relationship.
3) Find out if he's fathered children...as, when you eventually marry him, the money will be split between your family (you, him and your children) and his other families (if he's a responsible person)...so you'll want to bear this in mind.
Additionally, you don't want to get involved with a guy with two(2) or more baby mothers...it's an indication that he's careless and these careless ways may have remained with him...you've got to know him very well, for him to prove that he's left that way of life, behind.
4) Forget guys who aren't monogamous (who have more than one girlfriend at a time), they're frankly a waste of your time, emotions and energy...
Why should you be sharing your boyfriend with other women or men?
If he doesn't respect and love himself enough to realize that when he cheats, he's actually cheating himself out of having a deep, caring and loving relationship, one in which it takes great character and ingenuity (creativity) to keep alive, then he obviously won't respect and love you...stay away from him!
Please read the continuation of this post, here: "How to Choose Your First Boyfriend so as to Reduce Heartbreak (Part 2)".
Thanks.
Gillian
