Breaking up with someone whom you love and care for deeply, is hard...
It hurts like crazy and can feel like your world is coming to an end....
No matter how hard your family and/or friends try to cheer you up, you can't get this person out of your mind...how the relationship ended, why it ended and how you felt, in better times, when you were around this person - the intimate feelings you shared, the person's smell, their little habits,nuances, gestures, sayings, etc.
These feelings are quite normal when a break-up takes place and it takes time to get over these feelings and then move on with your life.
The grieving process (the time of prolonged sadness and in some cases, regret after a break-up) differs from person to person: for some people it takes weeks, others months and for others, years.
But no matter how long it takes, during the grieving process, you will feel crappy.
I have found, though, that if you allow yourself to grieve properly: to shed the tears, to get angry if you must, and do volunteer work (so as to take the focus off of you) and talk with someone else about how you're feeling, that this jump-starts the healing process.
(The healing process is characterized by less sadness, less concentration on the relationship that has ended and more concentration on developing yourself to be the best person you can be in your spiritual, personal and professional life.)
Here is where the investment in friends,mentors and advisors in whom you can respect and in whose judgement you can trust, pays dividend: For it is from these persons that should seek advice.
Why?
Because these people are more experienced than you are and as such, can guide you based on their own experience and the experience they have gathered from other persons, known to them, over the years.
The healing process doesn't just happen, however...you have to will it to.
You have to, during grieving, realize that life is moving forward around you and will do so, with or without your cooperation.
E.g. your work/schoolwork, will not wait until you have properly healed, to be finished. Your bills won't wait until you're feeling better, to be paid.
Life moves on.
The question you'll have to ask yourself, is, "Will I move on and try experience life to its fullest, or will I deprive myself of a full life by concentrating on the past?"
Furthering your education, or picking up a hobby or a sport you've always wanted to do, is also essential to healing.
It refocuses your mind and energies on mastering a new skill, thus helping you to forget the pain of the relationship that just ended.
After doing this, you will find that healing begins.
Then your prospects in life and your days will look brighter, and you will find that your attitude towards life is more positive.
During the healing process, you will also find that forgiveness of yourself or your former boyfriend, starts to take place, if you allow it to.
But this is not an open door to try to get back into the relationship. The two of you broke up for a reason (or a set of reasons). A reason (or reasons) that need(s) to be properly identified and dealt with.
You need to understand is that it is unwise to go back into a relationship that has ended.
Let me repeat - it is unwise to go back into a relationship that has ended.
Too many people break-up, make up, break-up again and then repeat the cycle. Frankly, this is a waste of your emotions, energy and time.
(The reasons the two of you broke up will still remain, unless the two of you sort your issues out separately and then together and then seek professional help, so that the cycle will not repeat itself.)
You need to make a clean break (leave the previous relationship behind) so that you can move on with your life.
Moving on means that you will be able to look to the future, where your personal development is concerned; to examine why things went wrong in the former relationship and to take corrective action, so that the previous mistakes won't be repeated in your new relationship.
It also allows you the time and presence-of-mind, to re-connect with yourself and rediscover who you are and be comfortable with who you are.
Then and only then,should you consider entering a new relationship.
(Entering a new relationship whilst still having strong feelings for your former boyfriend, is not just emotionally dishonest, it means that you won't be fully committed to this new relationship and this new relationship will fail as a result. Causing even more heartbreak.)
Only enter a new relationship when the baggage from your former one, has been properly dealt with.
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Well, we've come to the end of this post...hope it was helpful in providing insights that will enable you to move on after a break-up...
Please let me know if it was, ok?
Gillian
