Valentine's Day is the day for lovers and quite a few lovers make an important decision that will change the rest of their lives, on this day.
These lovers propose marriage.
Now, there are some "do's and don'ts" when it comes to making that marriage proposal, that will guarantee either the beginning of a successful life-long relationship or the decision to wait a little while longer, before making that important proposal again.
We'll begin with some proposal "do's and don'ts" that will allow your Valentine's Day proposal to be a success!
Valentine's Day Proposal Do's (Initial Checks)
Only propose if :
1) The relationship is at the stage for continued serious commitment via engagement and marriage
2) This is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with
3) You've previously discussed marriage and are positive that it's what you'd both want
4) You're 97% certain of getting a "yes" answer (97% rule)
On Valentine's Day..remember you'll have lasting memories of the day - good or bad, so only propose on Valentine's Day if the "97% rule" applies.
Valentine's Day Proposal Don'ts
Don't:
1) Make a public proposal at a baseball or hockey match or in front of family and friends.
Why?
Because even if you're very sure of getting a "yes" answer - hence the" 97% rule", there's a 3% chance that the person will say "no".
You really don't want to put the person in an awkward position, by forcing a "yes" response, just because the person doesn't want to embarrass you in public...
...or put yourself in the awkward position of the person saying "no" in front of family, friends and a (TV) audience and your being embarrassed, anyway.
2) Propose in a setting with a noisy or heavily-trafficked background
You simply won't be heard, so please choose a quiet location
3) Place the engagement ring in drink or in food as, ingestion of same, can have nasty medical consequences if the ring gets stuck in your girlfriend/boyfriend's throat or is swallowed and ingested.
(He/she might end up in the hospital and may need to get an operation to remove it).
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So now that we have these proposal "don'ts" out of the way, let's cover the "do's":
The key to having a successful Valentine's proposal is to obey the KISS principle - Keep it Simple, Safe.
In light of this, let's examine some Valentine's Day Proposal Do's
Prior to the Proposal
1) Do walk through the entire process in your mind, from the time you reach your proposal destination, to actually making the proposal, to your return journey home.
This helps reduce nervousness during the entire process
2) The setting has to be right, so take him/her to someplace that he/she's been longing to go to, or to his/her favorite location.
Please spend a little more time in choosing this idyllic location... it's your engagement proposal and you want it to be at a location/destination that's ideal.
a) If you're going to a destination that requires you to book or make arrangements before hand, please do so.
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b) If you can, please go to your destination, before-hand, to observe ground conditions, traffic, weather patterns etc., during the same time of day that you plan to make the proposal.
This is to ensure that you're not unpleasantly surprised by unexpected events such as a sprinkler going off and wetting you both up, during the proposal
3) Provide "oohs and ahhs"...simple surprises in preparation for the actual proposal, but don't overdo it - a pleasant surprise of a large rose, or taking the person to a new, scenic location on an area of the property, is great...so is proposing at sunset.
3a) Remember music (if it's appropriate for the location) also provides a special backdrop. If you must get a musician, please ensure that the person can play his/her instrument,well.
4) It's usually expected that the man will propose marriage...however, women have been known to propose..
Whomever is doing the proposing, however, please remember that your choice of engagement ring is important.
You should definitely know how to estimate your girlfriend's finger size, prior to buying the engagement ring.
You need to have that engagement ring with you, when you make the proposal. (Engagement rings range from the inexpensive to the exquisitely priced, depending on your jeweler's reputation).
(Men, traditionally, do not wear engagement rings).
5) Your timing of the proposal is also important, as you want to make the proposal when both of you are in good mood.
You are responsible for ensuring that your girlfriend/boyfriend is completely comfortable and in that great mood (meaning, avoiding or diffusing arguments).
During the Proposal
1) Your proposal should be rehearsed, but not be so regimented, that its delivery seems robotic
2) Getting down on one knee is ok... you can also gently, tilt her chin towards yours, if you're both standing. The important thing is to ensure that you both have direct eye contact
3) Gently, take your girlfriend's left hand into your right hand, with your palm facing up and both sets of fingers touching
4) Speak from heart, tell her that you love her, why you love her, how she's enhanced your life, how you will enhance hers and then ask, "will you marry me?"
(Please let this speech be at most one paragraph long, as the person isn't there to hear a lecture. :))
Immediately, firmly and gently, place the ring, on the 1st 1/3rd of the ring finger on your girlfriend's left hand. (This is the finger right next to the little finger of the left hand).
Then gently slide the ring down the finger to the base of the finger.
Please don't worry if the ring doesn't fit pefectly...a good jeweler, will always be able to get you a different- sized ring in the same make and model...or resized, if the ring is unique.
4) Wait for the response:
a) Prepare for a "yes" response by the person being jubilant and jumping into your arms, kissing you all over, your head spinning from delight and her running around and screaming and calling friends and family in order to spread the good news
Prepare to spend the rest of the day reaffirming your love, by continuing to do loving things with and for each other.
b) Prepare for a "no" response by being willing to accept the person's decision.
Calmly ask for a reason for the "no" response, think about it and reasonably consider what the person has said.
Please spend time with the person, although you may want to be alone for a little while - you do not want to leave your girlfriend/boyfriend alone, unless he/she wants to be.
People have a right to refuse a marriage proposal - maybe your timing is off, maybe they need more time, due to other circumstances... with mutual consent, give your girlfriend/boyfriend lots of space... you take lots of space - after you return home.
Immediately After the Proposal
1) Keeping affirming your love, even if you've received a "no" response -
This is not an easy thing to do immediately (if the response has been "no"), but if the person has asked for more time to consider your proposal, please ensure that your behaviour convinces her/him that you're worth waiting for.
If the response is "no-not ever", then you need to seriously consider if this relationship is worth investing more of your time, emotions, money and effort in, if marriage is your goal.
2) If you've received a "yes" response, then it's time to talk about setting a wedding date that's amenable to the two of you...this is a great talking point on your return journey home...
Please ask for the assistance and advice of family, friends who have been married and/or who have experience planning weddings, or hire a wedding planner to help you make these arrangements.
We hope that the above has helped to prepare you to make that Valentine's Day proposal!
Please let us know how it goes,ok? :)
Gillian
